This is Bananas

Happy Fourth of July Brianne.

Well....as much as I hate to say so, I don't think his feelings changed just from a dare. Sure it definitely was a first for me, who knows if he thought of it in the same way I did. Like a good friend once said, "Guys are deeper than we give them credit for." but I just don't know if one simple kiss and one night of fireworks, food and fun can change feelings that haven't existed in awhile. I still think his mind wonders to another girl, one that I can't compare to. Who knows what he thought of it? He says he liked it, but I was sitting right there, and I would like to think he would be polite enough to say good things while I was in the presence of the guy. Sure, it was a truth question, but who REALLY tells the truth on those? It was so hard being with him, while wishing I was really "with" him. To sit there and watch the fireworks, kiss him, talk with him, the whole time thinking that he wasn't thinking of me in the same way I was him. It was hard, and I admit it. He mentioned a couple of times how unattractive he was and how he couldn't get a chick, and Sarah stepping up and telling him he COULD if he wanted to, with him arguing back that he couldn't. Well, obviously if he knows that I like him and he still says he couldn't have a girlfriend, then he meant that he couldn't get someone that he wanted to date. So, I'm kind of thinking that was the sign that, since I was sitting right there, and he said he doesn't think he has anyone on the mind, then he was telling me he didn't like me. Well, I guess I just need to take a hint. I really am trying to stop liking him, considering I'm just waiting around. But for some reason I just......

Sarah, I guess I should be thanking you for what happened last night. In my opinion it was a good thing, but who knows what he thought of it? I must say, I'm glad I discovered that you were willing to go one extra mile, just for me. For that, I love you. Thanks a lot for trying, trying and trying again to make it happen. You sure are one determined Princess.

So anyways, Happy Fourth Brianne. The night just complicated it more.

Take a good look at this smile. It will be awhile before it's the same again. Actually, for many reasons than known to certain people.