Bedknobs and Broomsticks instead

So I've missed yet another chance to go and hang out with all the cool people I know. Another chance to present myself, to go out on a limb and do something drastic, something that would make him stop......stare.....shake his head......and go on. Yeah, that would kind of get me nowhere. But see, that just goes to show that no matter what I do, how I dress, how I do ANYTHING......he doesn't notice the slightest bit, because she is still there, looking as best as ever. You know, I hate to just give up. But, he doesn't like me at all, at all, at all. He LOVES her. I can't just fix my hair and glob some make-up on and make his head turn my way, away from her and herself. You know, this would be a whole different story if I couldn't see why in the heck he liked (loved) this other girl instead of me. But I do see why, so this isn't a different story. I can see exactly why he likes her instead, so that makes it that much harder. I hate wallowing in my own pity, but I have no one that I can talk to that won't tell me to shut up because they're tired of me complaining.....so I must resort to this. Sorry if you're reading this......I know I am one sorry sack of potatoes.

Like a "good friend" once said, "A dream is a wish your heart makes." Well....you were in my dream last night. I dreamt that me and Marcie decided to load up and come to your party. You and Ross were the only ones there. I liked this fact, because in the dream we were somewhat together.....or at least......you liked me anyways (I know.....it's only a dream). In the dream, your party was just a split second of the whole thing. We were just there, together, and I enjoyed it. But then, another part came up, and I was in the street of a nice, homey block of apartments with some kids, and we were singing. Somehow, the words of the song were about the death of my great-grandma, and I was crying.....and then I woke up with a tense feeling in my shoulder and the feeling of complete sorrow. It's a great feeling.

Dear You,
She said that no change is a bad sign. I wondered why, because that meant you weren't getting any worse. But then, that also meant you weren't getting any better. I want to cry so terribly bad, because I miss you horribly. You've been like this for awhile, just getting agitated. I hate to hear about it, but I thrive for updates. I have to know how long this nightmare process is going to take. You don't understand how much I think about you. You are constantly on my mind. I'm thinking about how just the weekend before this happened, you taught me to skip rocks and we laughed at the funniest volleyball game we've ever seen. This is just a shock, a slap in the face. I want you back so bad. I miss you.....I love you. Landen and Alesha miss you too. We all miss your stupid sense of humor. Stupid, but what I looked forward to whenever we met each other. You told me that if I married Grins-a-lot you and Josh wouldn't have as much fun laughing at volleyball because I would be out there playing with them. Then you told me that y'all would miss me skipping rocks and you would say, "Sure wish Breezy were here.".....Ward, you don't understand how much that comment meant to me, to know that if I left, the party would be over and you would miss me. I loved that, to know that I meant something to you. I miss you Ward, and I want you back. Please, get better soon. I love you so much, and I want you here with us. I want you to see your son turn three......I want this over. But.....who knows. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know all of this. I'm going to start praying for you, no matter how "silly" I feel. I really want you better. I miss you and I love you.....a bunch.
-Tornado Face-