I'd like an order of love please.

So he has a girlfriend. You know, I really didn't expect any less than that. I mean, look at the situation. He's a cute, smart, athletic guy who happens to share my religion and actually associates with me on a daily basis. You didn't REALLY think it was going to work out did you? I mean, it's me you're talking about. Brianne, the girl that has no sign of anything good coming her way whatsoever. So again, I really saw something bad coming into the picture. I'm kind of used to it, considering I've grown kind of attached to this lifestyle. Not because I want to, but because I have to. So here I am, waking up every morning, reaching for that mask that I know will be there because it has been for a while now, putting it on, walking out the door, and living my life the only way I know how. Living it to please other people because pleasing myself just wasn't cutting it. But does it bother me? Well yeah, but no one knows that because I have a wall. A concrete wall if you must, that no one has come through yet. Why DO I put up a wall. Well, simply because if I live through someone else, then when I get hurt, pushed away, or heartbroken......then it won't be me feeling it. It will be that other person. To tell you the truth, that "other person" hasn't been working because lately, I've been getting hurt.......and I can guarantee you that I've felt every stab of it.

To sum up just about everything I've just said......no one likes me, I've come to realize it, and it's starting to get to me.