Happiness....So Far Away
My two week trip to League City was great, thanks for asking.
I told him. Stef made me, but I told him nonetheless. He didn't care, nor did it do anything but make a fool out of me. I felt like a fool, I said foolish things, he thought I was a fool, so I guess I'm a downright fool. Why I did that? Because I had the wishful thinking of a fool. I was in my own little world where when you decide to take action on any subject at all, you always get positive results. Might I add that the population of that world is one, and that one person is a fool.
But I tell him, and then I leave. For two weeks. What happens when I come back? He has a girlfriend, and he has plans to move to Sanger. WOO HOO! Way to take it on home Brianne! *Note to self.....Never tell anyone anything. It only brings bad things.* So then my dumb mode kicks itself into HYPER-DRIVE! You know what I do? Yes, I cry. I call my mom and say the words, "........is moving to Sanger." and the tears are there. Might I add that they were streaming and I had a dumb face? So I then sit in my room and think, and cry. I'M SO DUMB! I then call Stef and tell her that I cracked. Well....I "THOUGHT" I was all calmed down. But as soon as I say, "I cracked" they come again. I'm crying and she's telling me she's coming to my house. So then I'm calm because she does that to me. But.....as fate has it in for me.....my sister calls. I'm guessing she heard tears in my voice because she's wanting to know what's wrong. I mention the word "Sanger" yet again and yes......crying. I then mentally smack myself in the head and then step on my own foot for being a big, stupid, retarded, queer faced, BABY! Of course, he doesn't know this. I'm sure he will, but he doesn't yet. Of course not! He would absolutely HATE me more than he does already. Why? Because it's only cute when girls cry for you.....when you like them. Being as there is a puzzle piece missing there, he won't think it's very cute. He'll just think I'm an obsessive asshole and never tell me anything again for fear of the waterworks.
I used to not cry over anything. Now I cry when a friend informs me he's moving away. Something is definitely wrong. Is it the attraction? Well, no because I'm kinda sorta trying to quit that. I hate wasting my time on freaking people that don't want to be with me. It seems that's all I do now. Like guys that don't like me. But I do have a theory to that. You see, I haven't found a guy lately that does like me, so I'm thinking I just need to quit expressing my feelings to anyone. That way there is no embarrassment when you find out they have no feelings whatsoever for you. I've got this all wrapped up......
I wish my happiness were just a hop, skip and a jump away......But I'm also going for a guy that I shall never have. Things never work out for the better.....
I told him. Stef made me, but I told him nonetheless. He didn't care, nor did it do anything but make a fool out of me. I felt like a fool, I said foolish things, he thought I was a fool, so I guess I'm a downright fool. Why I did that? Because I had the wishful thinking of a fool. I was in my own little world where when you decide to take action on any subject at all, you always get positive results. Might I add that the population of that world is one, and that one person is a fool.
But I tell him, and then I leave. For two weeks. What happens when I come back? He has a girlfriend, and he has plans to move to Sanger. WOO HOO! Way to take it on home Brianne! *Note to self.....Never tell anyone anything. It only brings bad things.* So then my dumb mode kicks itself into HYPER-DRIVE! You know what I do? Yes, I cry. I call my mom and say the words, "........is moving to Sanger." and the tears are there. Might I add that they were streaming and I had a dumb face? So I then sit in my room and think, and cry. I'M SO DUMB! I then call Stef and tell her that I cracked. Well....I "THOUGHT" I was all calmed down. But as soon as I say, "I cracked" they come again. I'm crying and she's telling me she's coming to my house. So then I'm calm because she does that to me. But.....as fate has it in for me.....my sister calls. I'm guessing she heard tears in my voice because she's wanting to know what's wrong. I mention the word "Sanger" yet again and yes......crying. I then mentally smack myself in the head and then step on my own foot for being a big, stupid, retarded, queer faced, BABY! Of course, he doesn't know this. I'm sure he will, but he doesn't yet. Of course not! He would absolutely HATE me more than he does already. Why? Because it's only cute when girls cry for you.....when you like them. Being as there is a puzzle piece missing there, he won't think it's very cute. He'll just think I'm an obsessive asshole and never tell me anything again for fear of the waterworks.
I used to not cry over anything. Now I cry when a friend informs me he's moving away. Something is definitely wrong. Is it the attraction? Well, no because I'm kinda sorta trying to quit that. I hate wasting my time on freaking people that don't want to be with me. It seems that's all I do now. Like guys that don't like me. But I do have a theory to that. You see, I haven't found a guy lately that does like me, so I'm thinking I just need to quit expressing my feelings to anyone. That way there is no embarrassment when you find out they have no feelings whatsoever for you. I've got this all wrapped up......
I wish my happiness were just a hop, skip and a jump away......But I'm also going for a guy that I shall never have. Things never work out for the better.....
posted by Breezeface at 1:20 PM
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