Just Another Year Older

What....a....weekend.

Sarah and Adam are probably the best people I will ever meet. I just wanted to, again, thank you guys a million times over for the party. It was the best night ever, and I love you guys so much. I had a person tell me over the weekend that it was hard to find friends like that, and I see now just how true that is. I'm so lucky to have you guys....and I love you. Thanks again....I couldn't have had a better birthday with better people.

The feelings are there. All the things he was doing to her, I only wished he was doing to me, because of the feelings I wish he was feeling. When my family can see that he so obviously likes her, it's sad. When my sister can see that when the flirting starts, it's because he so badly wants to call her "his" it's sad. I can even see it. Quite clearly, I might add. Like for instance, when she jumps in his arms and informs him that he needs to catch her, you can see the light that appears in his eyes because he can hold her. When she runs and jumps onto his back, it's obvious. The obvious is sometimes the worst. In my case, this is obvious, and this is worse. I wish for things so badly, but for the record, this is the one. I treasure the time we spend together, and kick myself for taking the meaningless compliments to heart. I slam my head because of the times that I sit at home, wondering what it would be like if we were together. I pull my hair when I imagine us sharing a kiss. I was going to tell him. I had the nerve and everything. So, as I slid out of the car I was psyching myself up for the moment when I could ask him to tell me. "I want you to say the words 'I don't like you' and it will help." By hearing these words I can move on. (I tell myself that.) I want to accept the fact that there is no chance, and I should be already. Rejection is something I've been "experiencing" for quite awhile now from him, so I should be over it and him and everything else but I'm NOT! I hate myself so bad for it, you have no idea. But I just can't get over the fact that it won't happen. I can't accept it because I'm a STUPID and I can't do it! I beat myself up about it all the time. You're on my mind all the time, but when you are, so is she because you LOVE her! She's beautiful, you love her and I KNOW that. Just tell me. Tell me that I don't stand a chance, you don't like me, no way in hell will you ever. I want to back off. I want to leave you with her. I want you to be happy, and I realize that I'm not the one that can make that all real. So I'm sorry, and I apologize greatly. I've liked you, and I like you, but I need to take a hint. "Best friends" is a wonderful thing to be, and I'm sorry I ever thought of us as more. Or...WANTED us to be thought of as something more. Yeah, it's all clear and it has been. I just need to yank my head out of the clouds and slap myself once more, and realize that I'm not in your head like you are mine. *kick and hit and slap and punch* Brianne, you need to quit.


He's back to normal and I love it. I swear I hugged him 15 million times on Saturday night, and didn't want to let go, for fear of what could happen to him if I did. I can't let go without fear of that being the last time I talk to him. I can't watch him leave without thoughts of "What if....?" going through my head. I love having him back and I love hearing, "Hey Breezeface! Come here so I can pick on you." because that's what I've missed this whole time. He attached a butter knife to a torn off jean pocket and gave it to my brother, telling him he now had a "Pocket Knife." I mean, it's just the little jokes and witty comments that let us know that he is indeed back.....and I couldn't stand to see that taken away from all of us again. I found out the other night that when he was put into the helicopter to be taken to the hospital, the people said that he wouldn't make it to the hospital. I learned that the if the train would have hit him just a couple of inches closer to them....they wouldn't have made it. I mean, my uncle was a couple of INCHES from dying just a few months ago! Tell me that I can let that walk out the door without screaming "I LOVE YOU! BE CAREFUL!" after him. I can't......and I'm not about to start.

Sarah Green and Adam Williford,
You guys have no idea how much you did the other night. You are the best people that ever walked into my life, and I want you to know that I love you. There is no amount to describe how SORRY I am that I cancelled plans last night.....and I've been stuck on that since. It wasn't my fault....but I am SOO sorry. I want to make up for the retardedness that I have because I had y'all waiting all day to finalize all these plans that we supposed to happen. Again, I AM SO SORRY! You throw me a party and then I make plans that never happen. Sorry Sorry Sorry
I do want to thank you guys another time though. That truly was the best night ever. You guys made it happen, and this is why we are best friends.
Sorry and I love you
-Brianne-

P.S.
Sarah, sorry that I called crying and Adam, sorry that I hung up with you BECAUSE I was about to cry.




Don't waste your time looking over your shoulder
Those loves from the past ain't getting no closer
When I look in my future you're all I can see
Don't go loving on nobody but me.

Nobody but me gonna love you like you ought to be loved on
Nobody but me gonna cry if you up and leave
You can do what you want to, But I'm asking pretty please (Honey)
Don't go loving on nobody but me.

I took my time to tell you how I feel
Just because I took so long don't mean that it isn't real
I ain't got no diamond, but I'm down on my knees
Don't go loving on nobody but me.

Nobody but me gonna love you like you ought to be loved on
Nobody but me gonna cry if you up and leave
You can do what you want to, But I'm asking pretty please (Honey)
Don't go loving on nobody but me.

Nobody but me gonna love you like you ought to be loved on
Nobody but me gonna cry if you up and leave
You can do what you want to, But I'm asking pretty please (Honey)
Don't go loving on nobody but me. Don't go loving on nobody but me...

-Blake Shelton-

Dreams with True meanings

I had a dream.
You and I were walking down the hall at school. You stuck your pinky out and I hooked my pinky with it. We kept walking down the hall, our pinkies together and I asked, "So, what is it we're pinky promising?" "I don't know, what is something you want, and we can promise?" So I thought. Then, I told you, "You go first. What's something you wish and want and want to promise?" There was my mistake. You said, "I want Sarah." I then pulled away and ran down the hall to IPC. Mr. Arnold yelled at me to take notes, and I told him I couldn't see the board because of my excessive tears. All of a sudden I was in the classroom, trying out for region and the lady was telling me to play. I told her I couldn't see the music. It was because of my tears. I cried for you.....all because you wanted and still want her instead of me. I am a selfish and retarded person, and I just can't get over that.

Ward is home. He has to visit Baylor about three days a week, but he's doing an out-patient thing. Nonetheless he is home. You have no idea how happy this makes me.





Dear God,
I just wanted to let you know that you certainly helped us out. Thank you for looking after Ward, and helping him and his family in this time. You've made us all so happy because he is ok. Thanks again for bringing my uncle home to us. We are glad he pulled out of this safely.

Your friend,
Brianne Peyton Gulley

Yesterday I went to try out for the All Region Band. I wanted to throw up when I found out my place. Last year I made the band, but I was in the oldest group trying out. This year I was part of the youngest group trying out, and it showed. I pulled away as 45th chair out of 57 flutes. I officially suck. I wasn't surprised.
Stef made the band though. 5th chair. I'm happy for her, considering she also made Area. Good Luck Stef.

My birthday is in a week. That's just means another year I could've done something better, and another year ahead I will probably screw up. :) It's a beautiful thing.


Sarah I love you and I hope you and him are still friends. I want to help you through this as much as possible. Just know that I love you, and that you don't ruin me....you've made me.

Post of Random Thoughts

Random is sometimes a good thing. Consider that as you read on.



I want someone. Is that so much to ask? I want someone that will love and loves to be loved. All I want is someone to care.

By the way, congratulations on getting Class Favorite. I know I didn't exactly tell you that yet, but I am happy for you. You really deserve it....because you're nice to everyone and everyone loves you...you are everyones favorite. Hhhmmm....that seems to fit the title. I love you...

A three day funk is something to think about. You are the reason I've been in the funk. All I do is watch you love her. If we are together, and you are being friend and then she gets up and decides to join us.....you turn into an admirer. I do enjoy watching your eyes light up...but I'm hurt inside because I work so hard, yet I'm not even considered. You don't think some of the most beautiful girls are pretty.....I just wonder how you see me. I tend to fall under some of these girls...so I'm thinking "acceptable" isn't even in your vocabulary. But that's ok because you will always have a nice one to look at. I'm happy that you're happy with who you wish to be happy with. My "funk" means nothing because it's just thoughts....unreachable thoughts at that. Give me a ladder...I could reach them.
No I couldn't because you would be in the stars....flying with your angel. Your perfect angel.

-I want to see you again. I want to make sure that you KNOW that I miss you and that I love you. I am thinking about you and I am praying for you. As soon as I stroll into the pew, I pray for you. As soon as I swallow my communion, I pray for you. As I hug your wife and son I pray that you will get better and come back home...so you can be the one comforting them. I love you...I miss you....WE love you...WE miss you.-

*The quality time that we've been spending with each other have made me realize that I never want to disappoint you and I want to be your baby forever. I want to be a fine young woman in your eyes, and I want you to think that you've done a great job with me. I want you to realize that you did the best you could in making me into a great person. I want to impresss you. I want to amaze you. I want to make you proud. I love you, and I'm glad that you are who you are. I love up to you...and I just wanted to tell you that. I've been thinking about you, and I'm glad that we are as close as we are. I treasure our time together because I hope to one day be your pride and joy.*




Brianne's birthday is on November 20th and if you don't remember then I just might cry. What? You want to know what present to buy me? Well money and candy and anything dandy is always accepted. Thanks.